Even under the best of circumstances, the holidays can be frantic. When you multiply it with the added stress of having to be caregiver for a family member with special needs, such as dementia, this time of year can be overwhelming. Here are some tips to help you avoid hitting your maximum stress level during the holidays.
1. HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
It is important to be realistic in your expectations and make helpful adjustments to your plans. Realize that the perfection that you see in your favorite holiday movie or soap opera had a whole production staff to create it. If you are a full-time caregiver, you may not even have time to decorate the house or prepare food, and that is OK. Maybe just a small, pre-decorated tree or plant is enough to make you feel festive.
Also, it is helpful for your family to realize that it’s unrealistic to expect a caregiver to prepare or host a major feast for the family, even if that is how your family always has celebrated.
That brings us to the next point: If the family still wants the feast and festivities, you should ask another family member to step up and provide it.
2. DELEGATE AS MANY RESPONSIBILITIES AS POSSIBLE
Do not be shy about telling your family, including children, that you have caregiving responsibilities and need their help, especially during the holidays. Get over any feelings that you may have about not wanting to bother other family members or your children. It would be helpful if one of your family members took over the hosting duties, which would allow you and your special-needs family member an opportunity to just visit.
Another option could be to allow the family to come to your house, but be sure to make the meal a potluck and specify up front what time would be best for the guests to come and to go so you can have minimal schedule disruption.
Do not think that you must do everything yourself anymore, and do not let guilty feelings trick you into thinking you are letting your loved ones down if you cannot provide the same experience of past holidays. It is time to consider the quality of the time spent together, even if it is limited, and not the quantity of the people or experience.
3. LIMIT YOUR SOCIAL COMMITMENTS
It is helpful, especially as a family members’ dementia increases, to limit social commitments to help reduce confusion and stress. While church members may be helpful with providing meals or respite care, you may need to limit participation with the holiday activities you enjoyed in the past. Reducing your commitments will help alleviate unnecessary additional stress. It may mean you must limit activities to only the immediate family, and if the immediate family can provide you with short-term respite care, that would probably be the best holiday gift you could receive.
4. REDUCE YOUR GIFTS OR SHOPPING
Some people love shopping for gifts in a big crowd, but that may be unrealistic if you have extensive caregiver duties. Certainly, family members with limited mobility have additional challenges navigating crowds.
If you can get respite care to help you, perhaps getting out of the house and enjoying a little holiday spirit would be good for your soul. However you accomplish your shopping, you may have to minimize it or ask friends and family for help.
5. TREAT THE CAREGIVER
Your family and friends must consider that your attention and free time may be limited, and the perfect gift for you may be something that will make you comfortable and your life a little easier. Prepared foods, services like cleaning or baskets of necessities may be the best presents. Certainly, any gift that can take a task off your plate would be appreciated.
Kathy Brown van Zutphen of Coastwide Law LLC is an attorney licensed to practice law in Alabama and Mississippi. She focuses on the “elder law” areas of trusts, estates and conservatorships. Additionally, she litigates lawsuits and represents small business owners as part of her legal practice. Visit https://coastwidelaw.com/ to learn more or reach her at her office: (228) 357-5227.
