In 1994, the Caregiver Action Network started encouraging the recognition and celebration of family caregivers. Three years later, President Bill Clinton (and every subsequent president), signed a proclamation to recognize November as National Family Caregivers Month. The yearly celebration offers a month full of support, recognition, celebration and community for 53 million-plus family caregivers who provide unpaid care in the United States.
- Why is this celebration of family caregivers so important for women especially? Here are some reasons:
- The typical family caregiver is a WOMAN.
- Women comprise more than half all individuals who receive care from a family caregiver.
- Women usually are older than men when they receive care.
- A woman, on average, spends more time providing care than the male caregiver.
- Older women outnumber older men by 6 million, according to the 2024 Profile of Older Americans (31.9 million women to 25.9 million men).
- Women are projected to outlive men by 2.5 years.
- Over 53 million caregivers provide unpaid care (National Council on Aging, 2024).
- Over 16 million family caregivers care for a loved one who lives with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia, as reported by Caregiver Statistics’ website and the Alzheimer’s Association.
- In general, older Americans are living longer, especially women. There has been a 34% increase of Americans ages 65 and older in the past 10 years (2024 Profile of Older Americans).
- Because older Americans are living longer, the number of (unpaid) family caregivers is expected to grow exponentially over the next 50 years.
- Although dementia is not considered a normal part of aging, we can anticipate more caregivers attending to older people with dementia because we are living longer.
I have been a family caregiver for eight years. In that time, I have succeeded in some things and flopped in others. Even after establishing a good process, the progression of my parents’ condition means we’re constantly revising our routines. Here are some things that have worked well for me, as well as some that I’m still trying to master.
ESTABLISH YOUR CARE TEAM
Although I am the primary caregiver for my parents, who both live with dementia, I can’t imagine taking this journey without my care team. This team includes my husband, my cousin, our amazing primary physician and her helpful staff, the home health team (when actively visiting) and my brother, although he doesn’t live here. I count on this team to help care for my parents physically, mentally and medically. Because of them, I can identify and report changes in behavior and symptoms to our physician. We communicate regularly to share schedules that help to prevent gaps in coverage, as my parents still live in their home. Because of the care team, I can take respite occasionally to engage in self-care.
Team communication also provides comic relief. We share the hilarity that goes on often through group and individual text messages. Finding the humor amidst the challenges helps make the arduous journey more palatable.
PRIORITIZE SELF-CARE AND YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
Being a family caregiver is hard work. It involves more than just the physical care of a loved one. Even when someone else on the care team covers the morning meds and meals, I still am scheduling medical appointments for my parents, preparing them for and taking them to the appointments, managing finances and paying bills, shopping, researching items that will help solve a new problem or finally fix an old one, doing laundry, cleaning and advocating on their behalf.
If this sounds familiar, I recommend the following:
- Prioritize taking some time regularly for yourself. It could be as simple as scheduling an hour of undisturbed time a day (or every other day) to drink some coffee and read a magazine or watch an episode of a show. You might want to skip the coffee and sleep in late once a week or more. Find what refuels you and makes you happiest.
- Schedule that trip and take it. Place your request to your care team well enough in advance to allow them to adjust their schedule.
- Establish an exercise routine.
- Take advantage of home-delivery service for meals, groceries and other supplies.
- Ask if the barber or hair stylist makes house calls for your loved ones.
- Utilize teletherapy appointments or apps when needed.
ENCOURAGE INDEPENDENCE
I suggest encouraging independence and responsibility because they are good for the loved ones in your care. It may take them longer to accomplish the task than it would if you did it yourself, but the benefits outweigh the extra time.
I promote mobility and independence for my parents as much as possible because both are important to their quality of life. I have read that having a sense of purpose helps seniors live longer with an increased quality of life. Staying physically active may reduce dependence on others and medication, help lessen or eliminate the impact of diabetes, hypertension, inflammation and other medical issues and lighten the care team’s burden.
I have tried the following tactics with my parents. Some days, they can accomplish the tasks with very little assistance, and other days, when the task seems to be a bit much, I step in to assist:
- Take out the trash
- Wash dishes
- Help with the laundry
- Fill the refrigerator with water and soda
- Help change the bed linen
- Contribute to the grocery list
- Help with the groceries
- Pick out clothing
- Help prepare a meal
- Bring in the mail
RESEARCH INSURANCE COMPANIES AND COVERAGE
Not all insurance is equal. You may think this is obvious, but I needed someone to tell me and learned the hard way.
Here are some tips for finding the right coverage:
- Research the coverages and allowed providers.
- Ask questions about insurance coverages of more people than just the insurance agents.
- Medical staff know firsthand about insurance options and what they typically cover. If they are willing to offer facts, ask them questions that may help you decide which to choose.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP
Sometimes you, the caregiver, are the only voice that your loved one has. Don’t be afraid to use it; speak up when necessary!
Because my parents live with dementia, they either can’t articulate what is going on with them or may have forgotten.
Here are some ways you can be your loved one’s advocate:
- Be observant so you can describe the ailment or behavior to the medical professionals.
- Take time to make notes of the changes you observe so you don’t forget to tell the physician.
- Share pictures and video with medical staff and care team to support your observations. For some reason, momma could not perform certain tasks when prompted by the physical therapist. We kept telling him that she could do what he was asking because we’d seen it. We explained that the problem could be that she’d grown tired by the time he arrived. I captured footage of her doing these tasks when by herself and shared the video with the physical therapist. This proved very helpful to him and fostered his trust in us.
- Tell the doctor when the prescribed regimen is not working so adjustments may be made. Sometimes, the medical professionals are simply following protocol and don’t know to tweak it unless they are informed.
- Share more than you think you should. By doing so, you may disclose something important that the medical providers need to diagnose and treat your loved one.
ACCEPTING THE CHALLENGE
I challenge you to do something special for a family caregiver in your life in observance of National Family Caregivers Month.
Here are some things that friends and acquaintances have done for our care team:
- Share words of encouragement to lift their spirits and remind them that they are not invisible
- Zelle or gift them a meal, drink or cup of coffee
- Take care of a meal for their loved one(s)
- Take them to brunch
- Stop by to visit
- Drop off favorite snacks
