If you are caring for a loved one, it can be easy to be hard on yourself. Here are some negative thoughts to leave behind in the new year:
1. I DID NOT DO ENOUGH
Many people prioritize their caregiving commitments above all other areas of their life, including themselves and other family members. No one can survive if they do not step back and take an inventory, assessing how to maintain their life for the long term. Do not feel guilty if you cannot be in the caregiving role 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Give yourself permission to take care of your needs. Do not be afraid to hire skilled caregivers to give you a much-deserved respite and help you reconnect with your life.
2. THE REST OF MY FAMILY WILL STILL BE THERE LATER
Time does not stand still, and you should not totally neglect other people who are important in your life. No one can predict exactly how long a person will need care, but you need to look at making plans that will sustain everyone for the long term.
3. BUT, I PROMISED THAT I WOULD OR WOULDN’T DO THAT
Recognize that you are doing the best you can and don’t feel guilty or like you “fell short” on a promise. You should look at the big picture and realize that you are doing a great job, but someone else may be able to make the situation even better if you allow them to help.
4. I CAN WAIT UNTIL LATER TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF
Prioritize your own care. You cannot be a selfless servant forever or you will get worn down and worn out and rendered unable to help anyone. Someone said, “Some caregivers don’t just push self-care to the back burner; they take it off the stove altogether.” That is a recipe for poor health, fatigue and ultimately a disaster if the caregiver becomes more disabled than the person that she is caring for.
Be sure to take care of yourself, including caring for your health, meeting with your friends, managing stress levels and not stopping your life completely. Do not feel ashamed to get counseling, attend yoga, meet your friends/family or join a support group. Recharging yourself will be positive for your loved one and make you a more effective caregiver.
So, at a minimum, join us for the Caregiver’s Coffee Break! We meet via Zoom on the second and fourth Wednesday of each month at noon.
Kathy Brown van Zutphen of Coastwide Law LLC is an attorney licensed to practice law in Alabama and Mississippi. She focuses on the “elder law” areas of trusts, estates and conservatorships. Additionally, she litigates lawsuits and represents small business owners as part of her legal practice. Visit https://coastwidelaw.com/ to learn more or reach her at her office: (228) 357-5227.
