Our kiddos are going back to school, and whether it is their first day or fourth year, it may not feel easy. Separation anxiety is a real thing that impacts many of us and impacts most of our little ones. It can lead to tearful, loud, intense and sometimes even traumatizing moments. Knowing this will happen has kept me from taking my babe places. However, after weighing the pros and cons, I determined my son needs socialization (after he followed a toddler around a Bass Pro Shop for a solid five minutes, we realized it was a must). There still may be tears, and even some screaming, but these tips will aid in a more peaceful transition long term.
FOR THE GROWN-UPS, HAVE PEACE IN THREE THINGS:
• Yourself and your instincts to try a distance healthy for both you and your babe.
• Your choice of caregiver and his or her ability to provide love and safety.
• Your babe and his or her resiliency, self-confidence and security in you.
FOR THE BABES, FOLLOW THESE STEPS:
• Accept and acknowledge their feelings. If a child is scared, angry or sad, accept it in your heart and acknowledge it by giving your child’s feeling a word. You could say, “You are feeling scared right now? Mom feels scared sometimes, too. That’s OK. Mom will be back at (X time). I see some friends playing over there. Do you want to read first or play first?”
• Be consistent in your caretaker. Children thrive on structure, knowing what to expect and from whom to expect it. It affects their brain development, so be consistent. If you can’t be there to take care of your child, make sure the same person or few people can be there. This creates trust in you and in the caretaker.
• Be consistent in your goodbye. Create a routine and stick to it, whether that is a wave and kiss, a big hug with a special toy or a special code word that means “I love you!” Know that after you get your child settled, see him or her safe and you give your “I love you,” it is time to go. Do not linger, and try your best to stay calm and confident in front of your child. Little ones are very good at picking up on your feelings.
• Be consistent in your promises. If pickup time is 3 p.m., be there at 3 p.m. If babe is supposed to be with a certain person today, bring him or her to that person, etc. This consistency builds trust vital to easing anxieties.
Basically, anxiety is going to happen, and it stinks. Try out these strategies and see if they help you and your babe achieve some peace.
