WHY I DID THIS
One morning while driving to work, I suddenly became dizzy, my vision became blurry and a white, foggy film covered my view. Almost running off the road was the last thing I remember before I blacked out. I almost didn’t see the end of the bridge.
I heard a very strong voice ask, “Ms. Hollingsworth, how long have you been a diabetic? What blood pressure medications are you on?” I looked over and saw a doctor and two nurses rushing with things in their hands.
I muttered, “Sir, I am not a diabetic! I have never been a diabetic. I’ve only taken a fluid pill due to my body retaining fluid.” After that, I remember him boldly stating the words that removed my entire will to live: “Well, you will be a diabetic for the rest of your life. Get used to taking medicine.”
My glucose level was over 800, and I was using the restroom every three to five minutes trying to flush out the high sugar levels in my body. My blood pressure was not stabilizing, and they were afraid for my heart. The cornea in my eye had swollen. I felt like I was approaching my expiration date. I knew what diabetes eventually could do, and that would be the end of my life. I closed my eyes to block out everything going on around me, hoping that it was a nightmare; yet, I prepared for death. I was hospitalized for two weeks and finally was released.
I was afraid of needles. I was afraid of sticking myself, as I had watched my father do since I was a child. I drove to Walgreen’s three times a day just so the pharmacist could check my levels and to give me my insulin. He took my blood pressure and gave me tissue as I cried. Each tear brought back painful memories of watching loved ones have complications from diabetes and high blood pressure.
My legs swelled with fluid, and my feet no longer could fit into my shoes. I had a vitamin D deficiency, and I realized that I would avoid looking in mirrors and taking full body pictures. I was afraid to eat because it could raise my glucose levels; yet, I was afraid not to eat because my glucose levels could drop too low. I felt like a seesaw bouncing back and forth. I was on Metformin, Farxiga, and insulin.
WHAT I DID
I took diabetes education classes. I finally was having to look in the biggest mirror of them all, the scale. The reflection was 329 pounds. I learned that corneas swell whenever glucose levels get close to or above 200, and mine was four times that much. I learned about my A1C, different brands of glucose monitoring systems and how my body eventually would not have any control if I kept down this road.
I started walking on the beach every day, wearing my ear buds, listening to Beyoncé singing “Move Your Body” and hoping I would make the right moves to save my life. I realized that I had used my education to succeed in every aspect of my life except my health.
I began to do what I did best — research. I learned my body type and how my body carried fat. I realized some people could be 400 pounds and not have complications because of how their body carries the weight. I carried what is called brown fat, which is the most dangerous. I carried most of my fat in my stomach area, which meant fluid around the heart and easy development of diabetes.
I researched my height verses my weight and my body shape. I learned which foods the body turns into sugar the fastest. I learned about genetic and hereditary diseases affecting my body. I began to sit and sleep with my legs elevated so I could control the fluid buildup in my legs. I checked my blood pressure three times daily and increased water intake mixed with natural home remedies. I completely changed my food habits.
My life changed. Every morning at 4 a.m., I exercised. I worked with my endocrinologist to slowly come off of insulin. Next, I challenged myself to juice after watching a documentary on the benefits. I used certain juicing recipes for headaches, swelling, inflammation and other things. I found that proper juicing could completely change my mood and energy level.
As I started to lose weight, I realized that I was overcoming mental and emotional challenges. I wrote about each challenge or issue I was addressing and overcoming. I worked with a counselor to understand each feeling and I researched how emotions could trigger my brain to crave certain foods. Instead of eating the food I was craving, I would write down the emotion. I wrote quotes on sticky notes like I saw on one of my favorite television shows, and I pushed myself to work out with a trainer daily.
At home I would play my high school show choir tapes and complete the routines. I completely stopped drinking sodas, and I found a water flavor that tasted just like soda but had little to no sugar. Every morning, I drank a certain bottle of water to boost my metabolism. I had at least one protein shake a day, and I ate lean, high-protein meat. As I lost weight, I made sure to do skin treatments and certain massages to ensure my skin elasticity changed with my weight.
Before I knew it, I was decreasing in size. I finally had to buy new pants after mine almost fell to the ground while I was walking. I laughed harder than I had in a long time. I realized my smile was bigger, and my laugh was longer and louder.
Days turned into months, and months into years. After two-and-a-half years, I had lost 189 pounds and gained 189 reasons why I could deal with any emotional and mental attacks I would ever face. I no longer take medications for diabetes or blood pressure.
HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF NOW
As I stand looking in the mirror, I see a beautiful, healthy person. My closet catches my eye, filled with multi-colored clothing and brands that I used to dream of wearing. What I don’t see is my old reflection that made me level up to become the person wanted to be.
MY ADVICE TO OTHERS
My dream is to help others who have given up on their health, life and dreams. I love to hear people say, “I can’t do that!” I pull out a picture of me at 329 pounds and respond with, “neither could she.” Then I ask, “How much is your life worth? Can you put a value on it?”
You can follow Dr. Kourtney Hollingsworth, a personal life trainer, @kworth189 or email her at k.worth189@gmail.com.
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