Bittersweet moments come with the territory of being a parent. Every new milestone, it seems, comes with a thrill of excitement, a burst of pride and a sometimes-unbearable tinge of sadness. As moms and dads, we live our lives in heightened expectation of our child’s next big accomplishment. I’m reminded of the times when my husband and I couldn’t wait for our sons to crawl, walk, run, sleep through the night, eat solid foods, talk and start school. When those moments came, we experienced the heady intoxication we’d expected, but we also were reminded that this first was also a last, both a beginning and an end, and the joy we felt would never come in quite the same way again.
GROWING PAINS
Embracing, and even appreciating, such bittersweet moments is difficult enough as an adult, but those experiences of simultaneous joy and sadness can be even more challenging for our children to navigate. I realized this fact a few months ago when my youngest son graduated from pre-k.
As Ramsey’s final week began, I excitedly told him, “You’ve only got three days of preschool left, ever!” I expected him to respond with equal excitement, but instead, he burst into genuine tears.
“I don’t want to leave my school and my friends and my teacher,” he said through sobs. The next three days were an emotional rollercoaster for our whole family as we stepped softly around the pre-K graduation elephant in the room.
‘IT’S OK TO BE SAD’
Graduation morning found Ramsey very quiet and somber; nervousness coupled with intense feelings of loss threatened to overwhelm him. However, his mood lightened a bit when his close family members joined us for dinner before the ceremony. He enjoyed being the center of attention, talked excitedly about the new chapter in his life and took pictures with the family in his little cap and gown. His excitement about this accomplishment finally had won out, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
But upon entering the venue, Ramsey laid eyes on his best friend and ran to embrace her. What started as elation quickly dissolved into heartbreak as he processed the fact that this was their last time to be students together. He began to sob, and I scooped him up in my arms, holding him close.
“It’s okay to be sad, Ramsey,” I assured him. “This is sad because this is kind of like an ending, but it is also exciting because it’s starting a new beginning. We can be both excited and sad at the same time.”
LIFE’S BEAUTIFUL PARADOX
I had never thought of a situation quite like that before, but as I said the words, I realized I have been living the truth of them for as long as I can remember. We dried our eyes and returned to the auditorium, where Ramsey navigated his graduation ceremony with a trembling lip and tears barely held at bay.
However, almost the instant it was over, his sadness turned to elation, and he ran around the auditorium high-fiving everyone, all smiles. As I watched him, I realized that not only do joy and sadness coexist, but one often becomes stronger in the presence of the other — a beautiful paradox of life.
