by Tara Adams//
I would like to start by saying, “No matter the circumstance, or situation, or outcome, you matter.” This is something that took me a long time to come to realize. This is not only a weight-loss journey, but a journey of self-discovery.
I grew up in a big family where it was easy to get lost amongst everyone. Teasing, name calling and practical jokes seemed to be the main way to show love. There were a few that had a softer side. But, for the most part, not so much. Don’t get me wrong, growing up had a lot of great moments for me.
POOR SELF-ESTEEM
My mother raised both my brother and I pretty much by herself. For that reason, we spend a lot of time with family (the teasing family). The teasing that I grew up with left me struggling with who I was and what I would do. I had a bunch of nicknames that I learned to ignore, and for the most part succeeded in doing it. There were a few names though that just really changed and shaped who and what I “thought” I should be. Needless to say these names were not very positive or affirming. Things like teasing and name calling when taken to heart by a sensitive child can create a very poor self-esteem and lack of confidence. This is where my journey begins.
Because my self-esteem was low as a teenager, I turned to food to make me feel good. And when I cooked, it made people happy, and they seemed to actually like me. I can remember one Christmas when I received some clothing. The clothes didn’t fit the way the giver had thought they should fit so the giver told me, “If you keep going the way you’re going, you will be in a size 40 before you turn 40.” (I know, damaging words) Moving on.
NAME THAT DIET
Over time, I continued to gain weight. This is where the rollercoaster dieting began. Adkins Diet, Cabbage Soup Diet, South Beach Diet, diet pills, liquid diets, starvation diets, Sugar Buster Diet, diet programs; I have tried them all in some way or another. During this time, I gave birth to a child and seemed to get even bigger after his birth.
Some time after my son’s birth, I got saved and gave my life to Christ. I thought, “Cool! Now I can get my life in order and I can get this weight off.” So, I tried the Maker’s Diet, 21 Days of Prayer and Dieting, and a few other Christian-based diets and programs. They to seemed to help for a little bit. But, I always managed to gain the weight back plus a little extra. Man, oh, man! So I conceded, “This is the way that God made me. So, it must be meant for me to be this way.” (Wrong, wrong, wrong!)
At one point, I reached rock bottom. I was not working a regular job but just doing massages. Well, my client list was very small. I was very big and I was so depressed that I didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere. I didn’t feel like I was a productive member of society. I got to my biggest weight yet at 313 pounds.
THE BIG CHANGE
On December 31, 2013, I made the decision that I just had to do something. I had always told myself that if I got this big that someone needed to just shoot me and put me out of my misery. So, on Jan. 1, 2014, I started off by just asking God what I could do. I knew that I couldn’t do it myself. I had tried for so long and failed that I just refused to do it that way again. At first I just started to try and drink a bunch of water, and I made a conscience effort everyday not to go through the fast-food drive- through. Then a friend told me about a weight-loss product that was suppose to be all vitamins and amino acids and things of that nature. So I go, “OK, God, what about this stuff?” I got the word to go ahead and use it. But, He only wanted me to use it as a catalyst to change how I eat. He also used it as a teaching tool to show me that it’s not about the product but the state of mind and the choices that you make. What! No way! Choices? Really? Weight loss could be as simple as choices? Ha! I never would have thought that. Hard work, sweat, starving and eating cardboard is what weight loss is all about, I had thought. Once starting on this product, I started hearing more from God about what types of food to eat. I also started reading more about why certain foods are better for you than others. I also started to really shape and curb my portions. Not only would I eat tiny portions, but I would eat every two hours like clock work. I learned that eating this way helped my body to function the way it is suppose to — the way that God intended it.
In this process of changing how I was eating and how I looked at food, God gave me a few points to ponder that turned into pretty deep revelations for me. “I love (insert favorite food)”= How can you love something that can’t return that love? I now say I enjoy (insert food name). God hasn’t given us food for entertainment. It is meant to be fuel for our body.
CHOICES
Life is about choices. Choose not-so-healthy foods and you will not be so healthy. Choose healthier foods and you will be healthier. God’s word says that when tempted He will always give us a doorway out. In regard to food, everyone always says that bad food is always so tempting. Well, healthy food is our doorway out of the “bad food” temptation.
Since learning all of these little things, I am no longer on the weight-loss product. I have realized that I don’t need it to lose weight. I am still losing weight. Its coming off a bit slower than I would like. But, you know what? I didn’t gain all of it in one or two years but a period of more then 20 years.
I feel better about the way I am doing it now. I know that the choices I make will be shaped by what I want in the future for myself. I no longer believe the things that were said about me when I was a child. I am a child of God and what he says about me means more to me than what any one person can say.