How I became mentally well: Madeline Nicklas

My mental health struggle

When I was 8, I was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. That was a struggle growing up, besides being the daughter of a single mother and being misunderstood as a child. It was very frustrating and caused a lot of insecurities that carried over to adulthood. I struggled with paying attention, and I was told by some teachers and others that I just did not care to learn, that I was a problem child and that I needed better punishment from my mother. I always felt alone. I didn’t want to be a problem child; I just wanted to fit in and feel normal. I was taking 5-60 mg of Adderal XR from ages 8 to about 17.

How I knew I needed help

When I barely graduated high school, I stopped taking my medication completely because I did not like the way it made me feel. Later in life, I noticed how my prescription opioids gave me energy and kept me focused; that was when I started self-medicating. I went to a psychiatrist, who told me I had bipolar disorder and gave me medication. I started self-medicating with more opiates and other illegal stimulants. When I ended up in the hospital with endocarditis, that is when I knew I needed help. I did not want to die; I was scared and alone. All I wanted was to feel normal. I never thought I would end up like these people I saw on TV who were using drugs. I was desperate,

What I did to get better

I went to rehab, started attending a 12-step program and found there were others like me. This is what I had prayed for — to fit in, to find other addicts like myself who had pulled themselves out of the depths of their own personal mental prison. I started working the 12 steps of recovery. I got better because I reached out to someone for help. I am no longer on any kind of medication, and I am free of my own self-destructive habits.

My advice to others

I am now a certified peer support specialist professional at Gulf Coast Mental Health Center, and I get to help others through their personal recovery journeys. If you feel like I did, please reach out for help. I believe in you!