By Charlotte Arrowsmith
No one enters a relationship with the intention of leaving it. We choose partners whose companionship we enjoy and with whom we want to share our joys and challenges. It is a human desire to have a partner who makes us feel loved and brings meaning and fulfillment to our lives. But sometimes, a romantic attachment can cause us to overlook things and accept behaviors that have a devastating impact on our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. Often in unhealthy relationships, we believe we can change someone, or that the type of treatment we are receiving is all that we deserve.
It is a difficult place to be when your heart and mind are telling you different things. Recognizing the signs of an unhealthy relationship can be challenging, and knowing how to spot red flags, which signal that it’s time to leave, is essential.
HERE ARE SOME KEY SIGNS AND BEHAVIORS TO LOOK FOR:
CONSTANT DISRESPECT
Consistently making negative comments or verbal abuse that erode your self-esteem
EXTREME CONTROL
Overly controlling behavior regarding your activities, clothing, social interactions or making decisions on your behalf without your consent
ISOLATION
Attempts to distance you from friends, family and other support networks
UNPREDICTABLE ANGER
Explosive outbursts or mood swings that create a tense environment
EMOTIONAL NEGLECT
Being dismissive of your feelings and criticizing you for sharing your emotional needs
DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY
Breaking or damaging your property as a form of intimidation or punishment
THREATS AND INTIMIDATION
Threatening physical harm, self-harm or harm to loved ones, including pets.
PHYSICAL VIOLENCE
Any form of physical aggression, including hitting, slapping or pushing
FINANCIAL CONTROL
Restricting access to money, preventing you from working or controlling all financial decisions
LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY
Fails to take accountability for behavior, refuses to apologize and deflects blame
DECLINE IN PERSONAL WELLBEING
You have feelings of anxiety or dread related to the relationship. You have noticed a decline in your self-confidence due to your partner’s behavior. You fear staying in your relationship but fear leaving just as much.
Don’t blame yourself for not seeing signs or ignoring the red flags earlier in the relationship. You are not alone in being blinded by love or manipulation. Dwelling on the past will not change the present or the future. Choosing yourself and walking away is the greatest act of love, and eventually, you will become grateful for the wisdom and opportunity to create a better future for yourself, without the pain of being brokenhearted by a partner who isn’t giving you the healthy love you deserve.
Charlotte Arrowsmith is a counselor with the Gulf Coast Center for Nonviolence. Reach her at (228) 436-3809.