By Stacey Riley
As a longtime advocate for survivors of interpersonal violence, I recognize that I continuously tote around a soap box and pull it out at any time someone needs educated about the realities of domestic violence or any time the gross mistreatment or misunderstanding of victims occurs. On these occasions, I have been able to identify approaches, intentional or unintentional, that either help or hurt victims.
If you wish to be an advocate for those experiencing domestic violence, here are some dos and don’ts:
DO:
- Believe those who confide in you that they are being abused by an intimate partner.
- Let him or her know that you are available to listen anytime.
- Provide information to him or her on ways to get help.
- Put the responsibility on the abuser, not the victim.
- Hold the abuser accountable – call him or her out on the abuse.
- Intervene in a safe manner when you see someone being abused in public.
- Educate yourself on the dynamics of domestic violence.
- Educate others on domestic violence.
- For businesses: Implement policies for responding to employees who are being abused.
DON’T:
- Ask “Why do you stay?”
- Cut the victim off when he or she doesn’t leave the abuser. Isolation makes escape much more difficult.
- Judge or blame – no one knows what they would do in any situation until they are faced with it.
- Make excuses for the abuser.
- Compare your situation to theirs.
- Be silent when others need your voice.
We all have the responsibility to shift social norms as they apply to responses to interpersonal violence. If you would like to know more about how to become an ambassador for domestic violence and sexual assault survivors and help implement dramatic, positive change, please contact The Gulf Coast Center for Nonviolence at (228) 436-3809.
Stacey Riley is the chief executive officer of the Gulf Coast Center for Nonviolence. Reach her at (228) 436-3809.