During the holidays, many caregivers focus on their inability to participate in the festivities and traditions. As a caregiver myself, I can’t help but notice that our holiday traditions have undergone many makeovers since my childhood — especially now that momma and daddy depend almost solely on us.
Life events, including moving from primary to secondary school, creating a family, relocating for a career, etc., force us to adjust our traditions. However, each significant life event provides an opportunity to create new traditions and celebrations. Let’s think of this holiday season as a chance for caregivers to slow down and make new memories.
I can’t lie; I really miss momma’s cooking — especially this time of year. While she made sure we knew how to cook, I don’t think we mastered her special dishes. Her delicious chicken and dumplings remain unmatched.
While I enjoy the food and the fellowship with family and friends, I’ve never cared much for the holiday hustle and bustle, or the preparation required to cook an enormous amount of food that we rarely finished. I hated the rush of people shopping like maniacs for the perfect gift for that special person who didn’t need anything. I know I sound a bit Scrooge-like, but I would bet I’m not alone.
Due to my disdain for the commercialized part of the holiday season, I simplified our holiday celebrations after complicating them during my first few years as a caregiver. I decided to keep everything simple, and no one complained. I encourage all caregivers to do the same.
DON’T GO OVERBOARD WITH GIFTING
Purchase only a few practical gifts, if any. The first few Christmases of my caregiving journey included many gifts for my parents, who both live with dementia. While they appreciated the gesture, the gifts were not important to them, or they eventually forgot that they’d received them. The presents remained on the loveseats in the living room for days until I’d put them away.
My parents seemed to value our company more than the gifts, so I decided to pare down to one or two items they needed — usually a new pair of pajamas, loungewear, a pair of house slippers or gym shoes and a favorite treat. My brother and I decided that we wouldn’t exchange gits, and for the children in our lives, we would order small gifts online or gift them money to buy their own gadgets or clothing.
PARE DOWN THE HOLIDAY MEAL
I also reduced the amount of food for the holiday meal. Instead of trying to make everything from scratch, I prepare or order a few things that we enjoy the most. Instead of eating at a traditional time, we often dig in when it makes the most sense for us, which may be the day before or after the holiday. I’ve even considered ordering an entire holiday meal to make things even easier.
MINIMIZE THE DÉCOR
If we decorate at all, the holiday décor is usually very basic. It may include a wreath, or a small Christmas tree with a little garland and a bow or two. Although momma loves Christmas lights, putting them up and taking them down requires too much effort. Instead, we take her for a ride to view the lights in brightly lit neighborhoods and to the Gulfport Harbor Lights Festival.
REDUCE OR ELIMINATE TRAVEL
Going from here to there can be a significant stressor in a caregiving situation, as it requires extra planning and poses logistical challenges. The easiest way to avoid this aggravation is to avoid unnecessary travel.
My parents either stay home or travel the block and a half to our home for the holiday. Family and friends who want to visit can find us easily in one of the two locations.
This simplistic approach to holiday caregiving may not suit everyone, but it allows caregivers to slow down, enjoy their loved ones and minimize the dreaded holiday aftermath (cleanup, unpacking, holiday debt, and physical recovery).
Try it; you may like it! Happy Holidays!
