By Jenni Murray
Spring is a-springing — bringing with it all the joys of beautiful weather and blooming flowers that beckon you outside (unless you have a pollen allergy, and then maybe don’t). It’s a time of rebirth, a truly magical season. But for moms, spring also brings chaos: spring sports, end-of-the-year parties to plan, awards ceremonies to attend and graduations to accept with bittersweet joy and pride.
As the school year ends, I always find myself a bit reflective. Where did we get it right this year? Where could we have done better? How did these kids get so much older so suddenly? And there is no place that this reflection tears through my heart more than end-of-the-year awards ceremonies.
Ah, the awards ceremonies. They’re lovely if your child is showered with accolades, but somewhat harrowing for those of us who might not see our child walk across that stage. So please accept this as my letter to you, the anxious parent in the audience.
- To the parent of the child who accumulates awards, congratulations! We know those scholars didn’t get there alone. We know you stayed up late practicing spelling words or relearning algebra. We know you sacrificed sleep and sanity for this moment. We see you, and we celebrate you!
- To the parent of the perfectionist child who got his or her first B and must accept the A-B honor-roll certificate: Take a deep breath. Rough seas make great sailors, and Bs make well-adjusted kids. If you’re like me, and your child couldn’t care less about his first B while your own perfectionist heart is breaking, Bs also can make humbler parents. Humble parents are better parents.
- To the parent of the child who doesn’t make it on stage, please know that this is not a reflection on who you are. Maybe life handed you so many lemons that you were swimming in lemonade instead of sipping it while studying vocabulary words. Sometimes when we are in survival mode, we must be proud of making it through another year. Congratulations on making it!
Maybe your little artist was more interested in drawing detailed whales than circling the right answers on her multiple-choice test (or was that just mine?). Maybe no matter how many times you begged, pleaded and bribed your teen to write down his homework in a planner, he instead chose to relinquish all obligations in favor of important things like mastering the “Free Bird” guitar solo (or was that just mine, too?).
Kids have off years; they are not robots — just little people trying to figure it out. Don’t be so hard on yourself for the “learning-things-the-hard-way” years. Growth is happening even if it’s hard to see.
- To the parent of the child whose future feels uncertain, you’re not alone. Lots of us are out here trying to determine whether our child has a learning disability and what strategies will work to help him or her. Your child is not broken, and you are not failing.
The world is not full of cookie-cutter people. It’s full of unique, interesting individuals who have myriad strengths and purposes. As you dream of straight As and citizenship awards (or not), know that you are this child’s parent for a reason. You are his or her cheerleader and see every precious quirk that makes this child special. We see you, and we celebrate your bravery, courage and commitment. If we could pass out parent awards, many would be coming to you.
As a mom of four, I’ve been all these parents at one time or another. Most likely, so have you. Hold your heads high this year, moms. No one knows your kids quite like you. Kids didn’t get to walk the stage this year? Make your own awards to hand out at dinner: Best at cleaning up the playroom if promised an ice cream sandwich. Best at delivering a joke flawlessly. Best at eating an entire bag of chips without leaving any evidence. Best at creating smiles and joy. Best at reminding us to bless the food.
Our kids shine in a million ways that have nothing to do with their report cards. Let’s celebrate those, and let’s celebrate you, mom, for everything you do to make it possible. Here’s to another year survived. Now let’s get outside and smell the flowers!
Jenni Murray is a social worker turned stay-at-home mom who lives in Pascagoula with her husband and their four sons. When she’s not doing laundry or refereeing little boys, she hides away to write for therapy and is a Gulf Coast Mom contributor. Reach her at jennijmurray@gmail.com.